


Soulmates

by ApollosLyre



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Boys Kissing, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, M/M, Modern AU, Trans Male Character, Trans Patronclus, Transgender Patroclus, cute Patroclus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-07-15 08:26:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16059314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApollosLyre/pseuds/ApollosLyre
Summary: Some Gods wished to give Achilles and Patroclus a second chance at life.Patroclus is fifteen when he first meets a golden boy. Moving away from a hellish childhood and into the arms of a loving foster family, the Golden boy being just who Pat needed to feel human again.





	1. Chapter 1

“This is ridiculous.” A god said. The mightiest of the Gods, Zeus was not buying the barging set for him. However some gods and goddess were not giving in. They refused to not give up without a fight. 

“They deserve a second chance!” A goddess gave. 

“The worlds changed!” Another shouted. 

“I will give them a second chance,” Zeus started. “However, they will start from birth, their souls plucked from hades and put into wombs. They will need to find each other again.” He devised. The gods seemed happy with this, although some sought to break them apart again. Some gods and goddesses fearing they were too strong together, the best of the Greeks and their most beloved, it had taken so long to relieve them of their earthly duties the first time around. 

To indulge the other more Zeus had also brought back some of their friends and enemy’s alike, he did not want to give them an easy ride, they were the strongest couple created, a fight was appropriate. 

A certain sea-nymph was not happy about this arrangement: she had allowed their souls to be joined in the underworld after death, she did this for her son who was going mad not being able to find his love. However a small part of her had felt bad for Patroclus, he had put up with much grief in his short life, even from her and yet he never once left Achilles side. He did not disgrace him. That did not mean she liked him though. 

Through the darkness came light, and with the light came loss. He was gone from his side once again, and Patroclus was alone. He fought, his soul yearning to be with Achilles again. Then there was nothing, no memories of who he once was, everything gone in a flash. A stinging pain of a slap across his cheek and his miserable childhood began. 

They would not remember until they had both returned to the underworld, or unless they figured the Gods game out. 

The pain of birth came after nine months, Thetis was allowed to leave the dreaded man after a year again. She did just that and found a house on a beach. Zeus had told her she must play the part of mother and not goddess, she had to stay on earth. The beach she decided was the best place, she had also got a home not so far away from her beloved son, he would be able to visit her. 

The gods watched on as the two grew up, some flinched away at how Patroclus was treated, others almost torn Olympus up when he had been born a girl. That was wrong, he had not meant to be female at birth: but then he grew up into a man. 

Xxx

Everything was such a blur, It was this way every time. I would say or do something my father didn’t approve of, and he in return he would paint my skin purple with bruises. This time I had accidentally dropped and smashed a cup, not something a normal kid would be punished for, but I was different, I deserved it. My mother would come to my room after a particularly harsh beating sometimes and just lay with me in bed. She was stupid to do so, when my father realised he would come into my room, pull her from beside me and drag her back into there bedroom. For the next twenty minutes I would hear him hitting her. 

When I turned twelve my mother kissed me on the forehead and pressed a folded piece of paper into my hands. I hadn’t realised at the time what she was doing, or what she was giving me. How could I have known? At the age of twelve when I had never been around another person my own age, or gone to school and sat in math lessons. This is why the other kids on the street would call me stupid, I came to realise. But my mother had taught me the important things, and I read a lot so I was smart. I was not smart enough to know about this. 

Maybe if I had picked up the right book, or asked my mother to teach me these things I could have saved her. But she only taught me maths, English, science, nothing about mental health. Everyone, even her own family had said she was a simple women, this is why she married my father they said. Because such a simple person deserved to be out in their place, I was there simple child who needed the same treatment: we were both smarter then they thought, but boastfulness is not something we indulged ourselves in. Reserved and quiet, until her last breath, and until my very own. 

When I was fifteen the day finally came, I was leaving. Leaving my father and the ghostly presence of my Mother behind. Clutching her folded paper I still had yet to read. This came about after my father had found the boxers I’d left in the washing machine: “girls do not wear such things.” He had said throwing them at me. “Maybe I do not want to be a girl!” I had yelled back just as angry. “Fine, I will hurt you like a man instead!” He had gave back. The beatings had been worse then usual that day, but it just so happened that our kitchen window was open and the nice old lady from across the street and called the police. 

I decided not to press charges against my father, telling the authorities that as long as I was out of that house and away from my father, everything would be fine. There was cuts and scrapes all over me, bruises that patterned my dark olive skin. I had always hated the freckles that adorned my shoulders and cheeks, ugly marks, but my mother had once said they were kisses from the gods. This is why people said she was simple, because God’s did not kiss. They fought and bargained, but they did not kiss. 

The car ride to my new home was long, eight hours long to be exact. I was driven by a social worker who promised me my new home and new school would be lovely. I had never been to a school before, I did not tell them this though. I didn’t tell them much of anything. Speaking was not something I was skilled at: only having my mother to talk to didn’t ever give me the social skills I would need in life. I knew words, and I understood them, I could read just fine. Speaking was different, it was as if my mouths could form words. So I stayed mostly silent. 

The man up in front tried to speak to me, he really did. But gave up about two hours in and just turned the radio on. I wasn’t allowed to listen to music at home, father did not like it. Outside was hot, I still wore a baggy jumper though. There was cuts  
along my arms I didn’t want anyone to see, and my binding skills were not the best yet. Still I was glad when I looked in the men’s toilet mirrors and saw a boy. When doctors had checked me over they had a serious talk about transitioning, then prescribed me medication. He said at sixteen I could legally change my gender as well. “What name shall I call you?” The doctor had asked. Ignoring my real name on the forms. 

I gave it some thought, because really I had never thought to change my name before. My mother had once liked Greek mythology, she followed all the stories. Her favourite being the Iliad by Homer, the most beloved, she would say to me sometimes. I would always smile and blush at that. “Patroclus.” I told the man. 

His wide brown eyes smiled to me, “the most beloved of the Greeks.” He had replied. 

The memory brought a small smile to my face, I clutched the note tighter in my hands. I would be stronger then her, I would be stronger then my mother. I did not wish to read the letter yet, maybe one day I could bring myself to unfold the lined paper and read her neatly curled handwriting. The day would have to wait some more. 

We pulled up outside of a large house, the social worker said the man fostered more then one child at a time. Some boys and girls would go onto new family’s, he also said who that was unlikely with me because of my age. I did not care though, another family meant more complications. I was here to be educated before I could move away again. I did not need to befriend the other people, I just needed to stay out of their way. 

There was one boy who would also be there to stay, the man had a son apparently. He loved the foster children as well, always chatting and getting involved with their games, he would socialise more with them then friends at school. This is what the social worker told me anyway. At the door he gave me my small black suitcase that had four outfits in and some underwear and socks, plus my medication. The doctor told me to start I was only getting a small amount, my periods will continue as normal unless I opted for birth control as well, I chose not too. I did not think mixing female and male hormones like that would be a good idea. 

He knocked on the door and it was opened almost as soon as we had knocked. “The new boy is here!” A small lad shouted down the hall. He had bright red hair and dark skin, that was a rare match I thought. He was clearly younger with still some of his childhood fat. 

Then a tall old man came to the door, he shook the social workers hand and led us inside, “I’m Phoenix, and what’s your name?” He asked me. Up close I could the wrinkles in his skin, and how he was greying with age. His hair was thinner then most males and eyes looked worn down. A house full of rowdy children was not good for age. 

Of course I did not reply, afraid I would trip over my own words, my own name for that matter. Patroclus, my new name. It was a thrill to think about, a new name, a new life, a new me. My heart left in my chest, perhaps it would be okay if I let myself have a little fun. Fun wasn’t something my father allowed at home, he said if I was laughing I was not working hard enough. 

“Patroclus.” The social worker supplied, I blushed at my own lack of social skills. Still the older man did not seem phased by this, maybe all the boys that came through here were shy and couldn’t speak. I think that maybe not all of them had never been to school. 

We were lead through the big house, the walls were white and the stair case was huge, we went past open doors to rooms full of other children as well. Finally we were lead past what was pointed out as the kitchen and into a drawing room. Inside the walls were a pale green and floor dark and wooden, there was a huge desk near a window with drawn brown curtains. Along another wall was a dark brown leather sofa and in the middle was a cream rug on the floor. I scanned the room until my eyes fell onto the sofa. 

A boy with brilliant golden hair was laying lazily across the sofa, he was watching the ceiling and holding what looked like a ukulele, he plucked at one string before speaking up. His voice was like silk, the most beautiful sound I had heard, I was finding myself wishing he would speak forever. “My father is upstairs in his study.” He said lightly. “Apparently my singing does not make for good concentration.” 

His head rolled to the side, his smirk was plastered along his face, I was sure I was blushing. “I can show the new comer where he needs to be.” He said in that beautiful sing song voice. 

“Are you okay with that Patroclus?” The social worker asked me. I found myself nodding without full processing what I was agreeing to. The man who had driven me here left with Phoenix. I hoped to see him again before he left, we had spent eight hours in a car together, he even bought me lunch which was very kind of him. A thank you would be in order. 

The golden boy bounced over to me then, he was fast and I hadn’t heard him coming, the ukulele was somewhere out of sight now, where, I did not know. He studied me for a moment before beaming a shining smile. “Patroclus, well it looks like we’re going to be best friends.” He said the confused look on my face was enough to urge him to say more, “my names Achilles.” He held out his hand for me to shake. Greeks finest warrior.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self harming.

Achilles gave me the tour of the rest of his house, it was rather big and very clean despite the amount of children living there. He shown me to my room which I shared with four other boys, luckily my bed was the furthest away though. He pointed out a chest of draws for my things and even offered to unpack for me. I thought of the sanitary pads in the front pocket and quickly declined. I could unpack on my own. 

“My bedroom is upstairs, father let’s me lock the door so I have privacy.” He explained as we walked up the second flight of stairs. “But If you need anything just knock.” He flashed me that beautiful smile again, and I was blushing. How did he do that? A single look and I was practically falling to my knees already, I decided to blame that on the change of hormones: despite the fact that he is very attractive. 

I nodded as we went down the corridor, he first pointed out his room and then his fathers and finally Phoenix’s. There was one last floor were the study was and storage rooms. He took me up there as well and waited outside a brown oak door. He didn’t bother to knock, and just simply stood there outside. As if they had known we would come the door opened to reveal three men. One of which I had not met before, I assumed it was Achilles’ Father. He had a slight roughness to him, but he seemed kind. Unlike Achilles’ bright green eyes his eyes were dark brown. His hair was grey, and his build muscular.

“This must be Patroclus then.” The man boomed, he placed a heavy hand on my shoulder, I did not appreciate the gesture. “I’m Peleus, it’s good to met you.” He grinned down to me. Of course Peleus would know more about me now then I wished for him to know: but that’s the way it worked. He would be the one who would sign my permission slips, or agree to letting me legally change my name. It was strange, a man I had once never had any connection to, would be signing my school forms as a guardian. 

The social worker with dark hair and light skin pulled me aside to talk a little. He gave me a sticky note with a number on and his name written in neat writing. Curved letters, like my mothers. “I have to get going now, I’ll be back in three weeks to see how you’ve settled alright?” I nodded. “Good, I’ve given you my phone number and email address, if you need anything at all get in touch.” He said, I just nodded again. 

Then I did something that even surprised me, I embraced the man in a tight hug, holding him around the waist and burying my head in his chest. “T-t-than-k y-you.” I stuttered out. 

When we pulled away he had a huge grin on his face, “so he does talk.” He said. My face turned a light pink colour, I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and heating my skin. He never mentioned it though. We walked him to the door, and I watched as he climbed into his car, gave a final wave, then drove off. With that my old life shattered like a mirror, no ties to my father now. I was an orphan, one who would never find a family. 

I wasn’t sure what to do, standing there in shock holding tightly onto two notes, a lined piece of paper and a neon green sticky note. My cheeks dampened, my eyes filled with liquid, I realised I was crying. Not sure if it was out of sadness or relief. I had never grieved my mother’s death, assumed if I was in that house she would one day come back into my bedroom and cuddle me like she once had. I had never processed the thought of leaving the only person who had ever taken care of me: my father shown his love in a strange way, but he had still provided me with a bed and roof. Even after finding out I wanted to be a boy, he had not kicked me out. 

Maybe I was sorry, sorry that I had so willingly been taken away from all I had known. Or sorry that my chances of seeing my mother again were slim now, I had eyes watching me, they would catch me if I tried to see her again. I missed the way she would turn the radio up when Father was at work, how she would hold me on her hip even when I was seven because I was so light, my mother would then proceed to dance around in circles while I giggled. We were happy then. Perhaps if it was just me and her, life would be simpler. A simple life, lived by a simple mother and her simple son. 

An arm on my shoulder scared me from thoughts, “Patroclus...?” It was Achilles and his voice like silk. The way he said my name- my new name. I turned to face him and wiped the tears away with the sleeve of my green jumper. 

We never said anymore. Instead I found myself back in the bedroom and Achilles had said he had homework to complete. I assumed it was an excuse to leave, I was not one for conversation. So I curled up under the covers of my new bed. I hadn’t slept for what felt like ages, sleep came quickly. 

I dreamt of my mother, the moment when she gave me the note, it was almost as if I imagined it. I know I had made up the next part though, still it did not make it any less scary. I watched as stood at the edge of a bridge, I screamed for her to come back but she only smiled. Tears streamed down my face, and then a black shadow consumed her, her bright smile was the last thing to leave me. 

The blackness turned into pain, harsh slaps and finally a punch to the stomach. The pain rushed through me. I could hear the taunting of my father: telling me I was worthless, stupid, that nobody would ever love me. I believed him, every word. 

I woke with a start, my breathing heavy and sweat was rolling down my face. Even though I was sweating my body shivered: the room around me was dark, outside the moon was out, and stars watching every move I made. The room was quiet apart from my own heavy breathing, looking around I found that none of the other boys had gone to bed.

There was a sense of relief that washed over me that nobody else had heard or seen me wake from a nightmare. I sat up letting my feet hit the cold wooden flooring. The door across the room slowly opened, I watched as a shadow entered the room, fear going through me. It was my father, he’s come back and I was sure of it, he would be angry that I left. I prepared myself for the worse and my breathing quickened. 

The figure stepped through the door and I couldn’t help but flinch away, “Patroclus...” the voice wasn’t harsh, but soothing. The silky smooth words rolled from his tongue, Achilles. How did his presence manage to calm me? I had know him for less then a day, yet I felt like it had been much longer. As if he had always been apart of my life. 

I hadn’t realised I was crying until I felt his hand on my cheek brushing away my tears, for some strange reason I leant into his touch. “I-I- s-sorry...” I stuttered out. 

He smiled gently and waited until I looked at him to speak again, “you have no reason to be sorry.” Achilles said softly, “dinner is ready, are you hungry?” He asked. I shook my head, no I wasn’t hungry. I felt a little sick after that dream. “You should come down anyway.” He continued. I nodded and allowed  
Him to pull me up from the bed. The quilt fell from me completely. I hadn’t even taken my shoes off before lying down to sleep. Achilles saw this and giggled, my cheeks flushed again. 

The house was warm with a soft glow of the lights. They weren’t bright harsh colours, outside the windows showed the night sky, stars shining brightly in the sky. Both me and Achilles went down the steps and through to the large dinning room: inside had about eleven boys and six girls. I had yet to introduce myself to them, I didn’t see the point. Peleus was sitting at a separate table along with Phoenix. I decided to take a seat at the end of the table, once Achilles had left to speak with a groups of boys. 

There was food neatly set out in the centre of the table and plates at each seat, everyone else had filled up their white ceramic dishes with potato’s, meat, carrots, and some even poured gravy on the top. The food smelt amazing, however I did not want any. The whole situation was overwhelming, I’d not even processed yet that this house and these strangers were now home. 

As I looked around I saw boys and girls alike, mostly with dark olive skin, however a few had paler skin also. Majority of them had dark brown or black hair also, however a few had dirty blonde and one boy had ginger hair. Achilles stood out amongst them, his perfect features and perfect ways. How his laugh sounded like a song, and voice was so smooth and so sure. I gently pulled at my own dark brown curls as Achilles brushed a golden blond wavy lock behind his ear. His curls were perfect and loose, while mine were messy and tight. I would call it jealousy, but I knew nobody else could look as perfect as him. 

The scrape of a chair leg against the floor caused me to jump, Peleus and Phoenix stood from their places. They spoke with three of the foster children who all agreed to clean, they had a rota system apparently. Phoenix left first, and then Peleus came over to my side of the table, his heavy hand fell to my shoulder causing me to flinch back and away from his touch. “Come speak with me in my drawing room.” His guff voice said. I nodded and followed him from the dining room, catching a glimpse of Achilles laughing along with the other fosters. 

Upon entering the room I was instructed to close the door, he then directed me to sit in a chair opposite a desk. I followed. He pulled a file out from the metal cabinets behind him, then opened it up. I saw my name, my real name on there. This caused me to blush as he read through the details. I hoped he wouldn’t call me by my real name. “Patroclus-“ he started. Relief went through me. “There are just a few things I need to go through. Your social worker says you don’t like to speak much, in fact he calls you a selective mute.” Peleus reached into his draws and pulled out a whiteboard and whiteboard pen. “Write anything on here.” He said. Again I nodded and took the items. 

“Firstly, as I understand it you are currently transitioning, your prescriptions will come through me, and once you’re settled I will take you to get your name and sex legally changed.” He said without hesitation. I blushed, this was something I was willing to wait for until an adult was not needed: but he was offering so soon and excitement got the better of me. I wrote out a thank you to confirm it is what I wanted. 

“Next, school. According to your records you have never been in education before, however you were home schooled. I do have a few sheets I need you to fill out: quick quizzes so the school know what level you are at. I will hand them in on Monday and you will start on Tuesday.” He gave me the quizzes. I took them and a pen Peleus handed over. He told me to sit and do the quizzes now while he went through some paper work that needed to be filled out for me. It was a comfortable silence we settled in: the only noise was of our breathing or pens scratching. 

After a few minutes, Phoenix came in and handed Peleus some folded clothes: they looked like a school uniform. On top were two red blazers with a gold school crest, then three white shirts and two black pants. They spoke in hushed words that were too quiet (even in the silence of the room) for me to hear. Then Phoenix left again. 

It took me thirty minutes in total to complete all three quizzes: maths, English, and science. I was to then pick school subjects I wanted to study in exams, apart from the usual maths, English, science, religious studies, and physical education. I decided to go with art, history, and Latin, my mother used to speak Latin to me sometimes so I had a grasp on the language. The paper work was packed away into a large brown A4 envelope then sealed with my real name and age on the front. Peleus had said how he would call the school tomorrow to get my name changed on their systems. I preferred as few people to know as possible. 

“More serious notes: the doctor note I got upon your arrival said you went in with self inflicted cuts,” I flinched a little at that. How could I have thought this would go unknown? Of course the doctor would write that down. “As I understand you did not have a very good upbringing, so I do wish for you to speak with a counsellor once a week, there is a very good doctor based at the school. I have scheduled you in for him every Wednesday at one o’clock.” I did not want to go to a counsellor, why couldn’t they just leave me alone? It was better for me to sort through my problems then bore someone else with. Still I just nodded in agreement. 

We finished up, Peleus gave me the uniform and a few pens to take with me. I already had a beaten up backpack which I could use until it broke. He also gave me a new notepad in case I needed it. I wrote out a thank you on the whiteboard before leaving. The new clothes folded neatly in my arms, I brought them to my new room and set them out on the bed. They looked far to clean for me to be touching. A few other boys had come upstairs now, readying to settle down. Two were working on their homework, that was another thing I had never had to worry about before. 

I decided to shower before bed, letting the warm water trace out paths on my skin. Purposely avoiding looking at the scars on my wrists and sides. The doctor had to bandage up my left wrist since I had cut too deeply the morning of my appointment. He, however, did not scold me for it, and recommended I get help once I was settled into my new home. He did provide me with some bandages and anti-septic cream so I could clean the wound. I did this after getting out of the shower and before getting into bed. 

My mother’s note now lived under a pillow, the place I rested my head every night. It made me feel comforted that I still at least had apart of her with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all your Kudos and lovely comments!!! :3


	3. Chapter 3

It was nearing the end of the school year, I had been living as a foster child in Peleus’ care for three months. During those three months I had spoken to Achilles and one other girls at the home. Granted the girl was five years old and only needed help with math homework every Thursday evening, still I took that as an accomplishment on its own. School was a little different. I sat with Achilles, who sat with his friends. A few who I liked and got along with well, others gave me bad vibes. Brisies would also join us from time to time. 

It was one of the days I had a visit with the schools counsellor, I found after my third session that Achilles also attended. For what I did not know, I did not need to know really. Achilles like usual walked me to the room since it was also on the way to his music lesson. We said goodbye at the door with Chiron written on a sign that was attached to the outside of the brown door. I knocked before entering. 

Inside looked as it usually did, there was a small brown leather sofa against the wall, and on the other side of the room opposite was a desk with a computer and piles of paper. In the centre if the room was a round table and chairs too. Sometimes I preferred to sit at the table and do homework as he spoke, other times we sat on the sofa together and just had a chat with some tea. 

Today I opted for the table. Pulling out some artwork as I did. Chiron was a lovely man, his brown hair and beard was greying slightly with age. He had wrinkles along his forehead and under his eyes. He wore a grey suit along with a red tie. “Afternoon Patroclus, how was your morning?” He asked. 

It had taken me a while, but soon I started to open up more to Chiron. I even spoke up him verbally rather then on the boards. He never pressed further for information and let me go at my own pace. Every session he would ask about my morning and what I had done. Sometimes we would speak about my peers, other times I had spoken of my mother and how I loved her smile. Still I had yet to speak about my father. He tried a few weeks ago to get me to talk, I refused and had left the session early. Since he had not asked. 

I nodded to his question, “g-good.” I replied. It was usually always the same reply. I had nothing to complain about with my Wednesday mornings. Perhaps maybe that the boys at lunch were too loud, or I had woken up ten minutes later then usual meaning I didn’t have time to shower, but other then that there was nothing else wrong. 

“Did Achilles walk you here again?” Chiron asked. Achilles, he was a common topic amongst us. I told him that Achilles was the only one I spoke to at home. He was the only boy my age I actually said anything too. I mentioned many times that I wanted to tell Achilles about being transgender, I feel like he would understand, and maybe be willing to talk more about it. I had yet to tell him though, however, Chiron had urged me to maybe open up about this with him. He said it would be healthy for me to let people in. 

“Ye-eah, he’s kind.” I replied with. Chiron agreed, he too had taken a shining to Achilles like most teachers had. It was as if he could do no wrong, and really he could not. Everything Achilles did was perfect, it was done with such purpose too. “D-do you th-think he would st-still be kind?” I asked. He knew what I was getting at of course. It was a regular topic. 

“Patroclus, am I unkind?” He asked. I shook my head. “And is Peleus unkind, or the social workers? The doctors?” He continued to ask. Each time I shook my head as of saying no. The words were hard to get out. When he asked me once why I don’t speak my answer had been, ‘he disliked it when I spoke.’ Chiron did not have to ask who. He already knew. “And now do you really believe that Achilles could be so mean?” He asked. 

“N-no.” I answered. He had a smile on his face as if his point had been proven. 

“I think maybe, you should tell him.” He said. I just nodded again. Once I opened my sketchbook Chiron took that as a signal to change the topic. He looked at my sketch and then said, “what made you think of this?” He pointed to a particular part, “this man, he looks like you.” He said. 

Chiron had pointed to one solider in particular, he had dark skin that contrasted with the gold armour, armour that looked too big for his thin frame, that looked to golden for such a slight boy. In my mind as I drew him it was not his own armour I was drawing: still I did not know who’s it belonged too. I had countless drawings of the same scenery in different settings. There was one that shown men dying and kings standing over the bodies. One king looked larger then the rest, and proud, a slave girl kneeling at his feet. The rest looked saddened by their men dying. I liked to think they told a story, however it had no running order. 

“I-i am n-not so cool.” I said with slightly red cheeks. 

“Do you have more of these?” Chiron asked. I nodded and turned to my favourite drawing. This was of the same boy in oversized armour. However, this time he wore a tunic and his curls were free of a helmet. He was stood with his hands on the waist of another who was wearing a flowing white dress. The other person had golden hair, their eyes closed and their hands on the boys face. I drew them so their foreheads were together. They looked happy. “Is this his wife?” Chiron asked. 

I gave it a thought for a moment, I’d never considered what this person was before. “I-I think it-it’s a b-boy. P-pre-perhaps a l-lover.” I answered honestly. 

“These are very good drawings Pat.” Chiron said. “Do you like Greek mythology?” He asked. 

I nodded a yes, “m-my mother, sh-she read to me.” I explained. Even without saying those exact words he understood, Chiron always understood what I was on about. 

We spoke more about my drawings, I explained that the curly haired boy was not who the story was about, yet I still had to figure out who the story was about. He told me that in both there was the golden haired boy, and even in the others he was somewhere in the picture. It was strange that I had never noticed before. When I looked back in my drawings it was him, the golden hero that brightened each picture. He reminded me of Achilles with the golden wavy locks. However, I had been drawing this boy a lot longer then I had known Achilles. 

The session ended at two o’clock, my last lesson was English before me and Achilles were walking home together. We never shared what we spoke about with Chiron. It was a silent mutual agreement that these sessions were kept private. Sometimes I wondered if Achilles mentioned me in his time, like I had him. I do not think he would though. 

“Hey pat?” He said looking towards me. Those green eyes, I could look at them forever and never tire. “Are you and Bri dating?” He asked. 

I could feel the blood rushing to my face, I shook my head in answer to him, to shocked to think about speaking. I hoped that he would believe me even without speaking. I did not like Bri as a girlfriend. I did not like any girl like that, she was my friend and a good person. I do not think we would be compatible. When I thought of kissing her my heart did not flutter, more did I get the tingling feelings in my bones. I hoped Achilles would understand this without me having to say. 

“Oh, sorry. You guys just seem close that is all.” He said. 

“N-no, she I-is nice, bu-but no.” I said. 

“Why not?” He questioned. 

I did not know what to tell him, that she was not my type? Or that she was just my friend? Maybe I could explain that when I thought about love it was not her face I saw, or when I pictured physical intimacy her legs were not the ones wrapped around my waist. “I-I, sh- it’s-“ Achilles stopped me and turned to face me, he looked at me with those soft eyes that relaxed me. I took a deep breath in and let it out again, “I-I wa-want- I-I-“ Why was talking so much harder again? It had taken me months to be able to speak with Achilles and now the words had stopped. 

He brushed a lock of hair back from my face, my body reacted before my brain could have a say in the matter. I leant forward and gentle pressed our lips together. It seemed like eternity we stood there, but in reality it had been less then two seconds. I pulled back and realised that Achilles had not kissed me back. Panic went through me: I had ruined the only friendship I had. He would hate me. Perhaps I had stolen his first kiss, one he would be saving for a special girl. I felt sick. 

Achilles cheeks were pink and his eyes wide. For a moment I thought he would stay, instead he took a final look at me before running away. He was fast and I knew I would not catch up even if I tried. He was headed towards the beach, his mother lived that way. 

When he was out of sight I started the walk back to Peleus’ house. Sad and shameful. Upon entering the house I headed straight upstairs, avoiding intersection with anyone. A few people saw me come in, but nobody approached me, they never usually did anyway. Upstairs there was one boy who had sat down to do his homework like every night, I thought once that maybe we could have been friends... but we never spoke. I thought that maybe the boys here thought I was an idiot, I couldn’t talk so why should I be able to do maths? Maybe I wasn’t intellectually stupid, but I was definitely stupid enough to scare away the only person I trusted. Achilles. 

I toed my shoes off and lay down in bed, sliding my hand under the pillow to feel for my mother’s letter. It was still there, along with the social workers contact details. I had sent him an email during school to tell him everything was going good. He seemed pleased in his email back. During my three week check up he said how much I changed already. He even brought some chocolate with him, during our talk we ate the chocolate and drank tea. 

He was a nice man, and it had me wondering why he could not take care of me. But I later found out in one of his emails he had a wife and daughter. They did not need a messed up child like me ruining their picture perfect family. I turned over on the bed to face the wall, hugging my body close. 

“Hey pat, you’re good at maths and science right?” The voice scared me a little. It was slightly high pitched and cracking, the signs of puberty. I turned over and nodded confirming that yes I could do both of those things. “Could you help me with my physics homework? My teacher keeps handing it back and saying it’s wrong.” 

I was shocked, one of the boys had willingly spoke to me, it may have only been out of need for help. However, nobody else had made the effort apart from Achilles. I got from the bed and brought the whiteboard I used to communicate. He made space on his bed for me and we sat face to face, crossed legged.

Together we worked through his homework, and I found he was actually fairly funny. He told jokes along the way, and passed sarcastic comments about the teachers. He claimed the only reason he kept getting his homework handed back was because his teacher did not like him. He then gave me a very good impression of what happened each time he handed in the worksheet. 

By the time dinner was ready we had finished his homework together. He actually admitted that he had been doing the formula wrong each time, but I could not blame him. It seemed when he did it wrong the teacher had any intention on teaching him the right way to do it. He thanked me and went downstairs for dinner. 

Downstairs I scanned the room and found Achilles was still not home. I hoped nothing bad had happened to him, I also wished he would return. Maybe I could explain myself a little, or tell him I still wanted to be his friend. That was if he still wanted to be my friend of course. It wasn’t until dinner was finished and I was set the tasks of drying plates that he came home. 

The other two who had been helping me left, claiming they had something more important to do then cleaning. So I was left with drying the plates, putting them away, and then cleaning the surfaces. The kitchen was rather large so it did take a while. Plus the oven had drying bits of food on it from cooking, that would take longer to clean also. 

With a plate in one hand and a blue cloth in the other I gently wiped away any bubbles and water, the white finally drying and shining. I stacked it with the other dry plates ready to be put away once I had finished. During me drying a cup someone entered the kitchen. I had not heard them come in, not until they spoke up. Achilles. I never heard him coming, and yet I always knew he was there. Watching me with his beautiful eyes, they would have looked strange on anybody else, but not him. How was it that he could make something so unique look so good? 

“Are you doing this by yourself?” Achilles asked. He didn’t bother with greetings, he knew that I had sensed his presence. I nodded without speaking, it seamed all I could ever do was shake or nod my head these days. I wish words flowed as easily from me as they did from him. He swiftly made a grab for a piece of fruit in the fruit basket, picking out a fig. He once told me these were his favourite fruit, and that he could juggle six at a time. I didn’t bother to ask where he learnt to juggle or why. It was Achilles and he was full of strange surprises. 

“The others should have helped, this is unfair.” He said. I noticed that he had put the fruit back and opened up the plate cupboard. Achilles then walked over, grabbed a stack and started to put them away. Usually Achilles did not have to clean up, so long as he kept to his studies and after school activities he had a free roam. 

“Y-you do-do not h-have to.” I said. 

He waved me off though, “I’m not going to leave you to do this alone Pat. I’ll help you, then afterwards you can help me juggle.” He beamed. 

“I-I d-do not know h-how.” 

Achilles just smiled and winked, “that’s okay, I’ll give you the easy job.” He said. We tidied the kitchen fast. I was happy that our friendship had gone right back to normal, after those events, like it had never happened. 

We stood in the middle of the kitchen now, he took three figs and gave me another three, claiming that yes he could juggle six as he said, and I was about to witness something amazing. He started to throw and catch the fruit, juggling them around with ease. It was such a cheap trick, but I found myself to be mesmerised by it - by him. When he told me to I threw one fruit at him, until all three had joined the circle. He was laughing and so was I. Then taking me by surprise he started to throw them back out of their loop, I caught each one. 

That’s what we did, we tossed fruit back and forth for what felt like forever. I could have done this forever if it meant seeing him smile like this. We only stopped when Peleus came to the kitchen to inspect the job done. He caught Achilles while he was juggling five Figs. “Achilles!” He half yelled. The sudden loudness caused me to jump and almost drop the single Fig in my hands. “What have I told you about juggling fruit?” He said in a stern voice. 

Achilles just smiled, he let the five fruits fall from their loop as he caught each one with ease, then he took a sarcastic bow. “My tricks do not amuse you as much anymore.” Achilles said. He still had a slight smile on his face, I could tell he was joking and trying to get more of a reaction out of his father. 

“Your tricks are always useless.” Peleus said with an eye roll, still I caught the hint of humour in his voice. “Maybe if you spent more time studying Latin then juggling fruits you would get A’s.” He taunted. 

“A’s, father, are overrated.” Achilles claimed. 

“Patroclus gets A stars.” Peleus replied. 

“Patroclus is smarter then most.” Achilles passed a wink to me. 

“Just put the fruit back Achilles, and go do some homework.” He said defeated. Achilles laughed and gave his father a pat on the shoulder. “Maybe one day you will manage to out smart the great Achilles.” He claimed holding his arms out as he walked from the kitchen backwards, keeping a look on his father. He then turned and left the kitchen, shouting to me, “hey pat, I could use your smarts!” He called. 

I laughed when Peleus let out another sigh, “that boy is the reason I’m going grey.” He claimed. This caused me to giggle as I followed Achilles into the drawing room.


	4. Chapter 4

The summer holidays started, and two weeks in the weather had changed from warm to fry an egg on the pavement hot. I liked to spend my time indoors mostly, reading or drawing, Achilles preferred the outdoors though. Sometimes we would go the beach and kick a ball around, he was always better then me and able to get it further. Once I watched as he went into the sea with some of his school friends, I was offered to join, I declined. Other days we would sit in his back garden and he would watch the sky, and I would draw anything. He has asked me to draw him a few times, however, I felt like I could never quite capture his beauty in a sketch. 

It was a day when we were sat in the garden, I had brought my sketchbook with me, and Achilles had his ukulele. He was strumming random tunes and then sticking them together to see how they sounded: each sounded so good, like a lullaby. He didn’t think so though. Achilles grew bored and lay back next to me, he then looked up and smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Pat?” Achilles asked. I hummed in answer, engrossed in my drawing. “What do you talk about with Chiron?” He questioned. Of course this had taken me by surprise, I had always wondered what Achilles spoke about, but never questioned if he wondered about my own sessions. It would be stupid to think Achilles would not voice his curiosity too. 

I didn’t want to lie to him, “m-my m-mother.” I said. “A-and sometimes- um sometimes you.” I admitted with a red flush on my face. Achilles sat up now and stared at me, he didn’t need to ask me to elaborate, I already knew he wanted/ needed more context. “J-just that you are my-my friend. I tell h-him I want to be more O-open with you. He thinks I-i should tell you.” I said. 

Achilles seemed to ponder this for a moment, “I think you should tell me.” He said. Achilles would think that. ‘Curiosity killed the cat’ I had once said to him. He smiled at me with that mischievous smirk he got on his face when he was about to be a smart arse: ‘But satisfaction brought it back.’ He’d said. We had laughed then as I pushed him lightly away from me. 

“First, you tell me w-why yo-you see Chiron.” I bargained. 

“Okay.” He shrugged. “I have nightmares, or well they feel like nightmares. They stop me from being able to sleep, and sometimes I’m too scared to close my eyes. Father thought it would be good to speak about it. Now your go.” Achilles said as if it was the most simple thing. He was better then with words then I was, he was better at most things then me. However, Achilles having bad dreams is not something I would predict about him. He seemed so free of anything troubling. Now when I looked closer I could see the smudge of slightly off coloured makeup under and around his eyes. 

“B-Bad dr-dreams? About what?” I asked. Achilles shook his head. He wouldn’t say until I told him my secret. I had to tell him now though, he had so willingly opened up about why he saw Chiron. There were more reasons I had to see him, my fathers abuse, my mothers death, depression, anxiety, and the wholes being Transgender. It seemed my mind did not take it as well as I hoped. I still hated my body, and this was the secret I kept from Achilles, from everybody. 

I sighed in defeat, it was now or never, I had to tell him. Achilles would find out eventually anyway. “I-I’m not a-a b-boy.” I said. 

“What?” Achilles asked, shock evident on his face.

“I-i mean, I don’t h-have a boy bod-body.” I tried to explain myself. Achilles continued to frown, however now he was looking me up and down in question. I did look like a boy, convincing enough for people to believe me when I told them, but I knew my features were still feminine. “I-I um... well, um ha-have br-breasts, a-and a-“

“No I get it.” Achilles interrupted. I was silently relieved he’d stopped me from having to keep explaining. It was very awkward. “It’s just, you said you weren’t a boy.” He said. 

“So?” I shrugged. 

“But you are a boy, I mean sure your body isn’t, but you are. Patroclus is. So what if you have a period every month, you’re still a boy, Pat.” Achilles said, like these were facts, nothing could convince him otherwise, he was so calm about it. I expected him to freak out and runaway again: I thought he’d tell me I’m disgusting, and that we weren’t allowed to be friends anymore. Instead he was kind and gentle, and made me feel better about it. 

I felt my eyes start to water, those things he had said, I knew he meant it. The doctor told me I was becoming a boy, and other people had asked me if I wanted to change my name: but nobody had ever said that this was okay, that I was a boy even if I still looked and felt like a girl. Only Achilles could have said those words and for it to matter so much. He got closer to me and placed a hand on my cheek, gently he wiped away the single tear that fell from my eye. He looked concerned, that was until he saw me smiling back at him. 

“T-that me-means a lot.” I said through a small voice. “Thank you.” I felt his arms then wrap around my body, and I was full of Achilles. His warmth, his smell, all of him. And he was so soft yet firm. Everything about him was perfect to me. 

“You mean a lot.” Achilles smiled. He gave me a serious look after that though. “Close your eyes.” He said. Before I could ask why he placed a finger on my lips. “Just close your eyes.” I nodded and let them fall closed. I thought maybe Achilles would stand and leave me here alone: instead of pulling away though, he got closer. And closer. And closer. And... his lips touched mine. I felt the hand that was holding my weight up on the grass tighten into the mud. Achilles was kissing me, and I kissed back. 

Our first proper kiss and it was beautiful. He pulled away and I blushed a deep shade of red. It had not lasted long, and it had been a little messy. No matter how flawless of a person, first kisses were always messy. Achilles looked to me a smiled, then leaning in and pecking the tip of my nose. We sat there for a moment, and then Achilles started to laugh, I couldn’t help but join in. His cheeks were a little pink, but his smile was full of white teeth. Laughing felt good, it had been a while since I had felt this happy, I thought that maybe I had never been this happy before. 

A distant memory played in my head, me and my mother at the beach. Her toes were buried in the sand, and I skipped stones across the water, watching them bounce and ripple. I knew, however, this memory must have been a dream: I was sure for starters that father had never and would never let us go to the beach, and especially not alone, together. It was a happy place my mind had made up, but I wished it was a memory. At least I would have something good to associate my mothers life with. The memory was what made me happy, but now, watching Achilles laugh and blush because he had kissed me, that is what made me truly happy. 

“Sorry I ran away.” He muttered after the laughter had died down. I did not care though, he’d come back and even been the first one to kiss. Achilles was like the sun, he was so bright and made everybody happy, he made you feel so light and fresh even in dark times. He had no reason to apologise, Achilles had done nothing wrong. He never could in my eyes. 

I shook my head as if dismissing his apology. “I-I’m sorry I k-kisses you first.” I half joked, there was some seriousness behind that however. Achilles sat closer to me now, he moved my sketch book and lay with his head in my lap. I smiled down to him, and as if on instinct my fingers ran themselves through his soft golden hair. He was like a god, how he shone like gold. He reminded me so much of the gods my mother would read about, the ones she taught me of. I was not a god, I was Patroclus, he was human, he had no special powers. Not like the Hercules, or Jason, not like Perseus, and no where near as amazing, as skilled, as Aritstos Achaion - Achilles. 

“Did you know that Plato theorised that Achilles and Patroclus were lovers?” Achilles said, moving from my apology. I was glad he had forgot about that. “It’s as if history repeats itself.” Achilles closes his eyes. 

“I-if t-that is true, a h-hector is-is go-going to kill m-me.” I joked. 

Achilles frowned as he opened his eyes, “I would never let anybody hurt you Patroclus, never ever.” He said seriously. “That’s the difference between me and him, he let his Pat go, and I’m not letting mine leave without me.” Achilles turned on his side and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling himself towards where my belly button was underneath my blue jumper. He pressed a gentle kiss to the clothing, but stayed hugging me. “Please sleep in my room tonight, I don’t want to be scared anymore.” He mumbled into my jumper. 

“I-I will n-not let my Achilles le-leave w-without me ei-either.” I said. 

It was nice to just sit like that with Achilles we stayed like that for a while. There was little to no taking. Soon we heard the call for dinner and sat up from the grass: we brushed ourselves off and went inside, keeping a distance in hopes the others would not know how close we had just been. Nobody mentioned anything as we sat down to eat, or when we had finished up our food. 

Peleus instructed Achilles to do his homework like usual, he said if Achilles were to do his homework on a full belly he would concentrate more. I wasn’t sure how good that theory was: it seemed Achilles got rather tired after a big meal and all he wanted to do was go to bed. I helped Achilles with his homework: or more accurately, I told him the answers and he wrote them down. It was finished in ten minutes easy. Our next course of action was to shower off the days activities before getting ready for bed. I still had to clean and dress the fresher wounds on my arms, cutting too deep two nights ago. My bigger cuts were almost healed completely into scars, the doctor had said it would scar quiet a bit and probably never fade. I knew that none of my cuts would fade, I made sure of that each time I found a blade. 

I took longer in the bathroom then Achilles had, it took me longer then usual to redress the wounds, all because I lost my antiseptic cream. It was a nightmare rummaging through what was classed as “my space” in my rooms designated bathroom. Finally I finished that up and got dressed into a long sleeved white pyjama top, and some red bottoms. After a moment of staring at my binder on the floor, I decided to remove my top and pick it up. Once that was securely in place my top was thrown back on and I left the bathroom. 

Outside the bathroom was cold after standing in the steamy air for so long, Achilles was sat waiting for me on my bed too. He smiled when I entered, and I was glad nobody else was in the room for now. My clothes were tossed into the washing hamper, before I went over to the bed. “I-I need t-to bring s-something.” I told Achilles, going around him to my pillows and grabbing the note from under them. I refused to sleep unless this was with me, under my head. Achilles recognised the note, he had asked enough times about it when he saw me clutching it sometimes. I never told him, so this time he did not ask. 

We made our way to his bedroom. It was big and more homey then the foster rooms. He had a double bed with white bedding, there was a deep purple silk sash at the top and down one side of his covers, his pillows were the same deep purple colour. Achilles had a white rug in the centre of his wooden flooring, opposite the bed was a oak desk and a pile of books on top. There was a book shelf, draws, bed tables with lamps, and a wardrobe also adorning the room. His curtains were purple, and the blinds behind them were white. Achilles had once said that he liked to sleep in almost complete darkness, this is why he had two layers of blinds and curtains. It helped block out any light from outside. 

I assumed I had been admiring the room for far too long, Achilles grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bed. We both climbed in from the same side, however I crawled to the side closer to the window and he was at the side closer to the bedroom door. The covers were thrown back over us. Before laying down I slipped the note underneath my pillow for the night. As soon as I was settled Achilles came close and wrapped himself around me in a tight hug. I cuddled back. 

We fell asleep like this. 

I woke up during the night, my chest feeling compressed and tight, as if I couldn’t breath. I knew leaving the binder on was stupid, but I didn’t want Achilles to see that I really was a girl. My hand tugged at the material near my chest. It was horrible, I needed it off. “Pat?” I jumped and turned to face Achilles who was awake. Concern grew on his face as he came closer sitting up. “What’s wrong?” He asked. I shook my head not wanting to tell him. Not only would this concern him further, but he’d probably be upset in my lack of trust. 

Achilles, he was smart, anybody could tell you that though. “You left your binder on didn’t you?” He whispered. “Pat, didn’t you.” He claimed. I nodded, but kept my head down. “Take it off.” He ordered, I could tell he was angry with me. I shook my head not wanting to remove it. “Take it off, now Patroclus.” His voice was stern, it scared me a little. 

With shaky hands I removed my top, and then the binder. I dropped it on the floor and put my top back on, glad for the darkness of the room. I hadn’t realised tears started to fall down my cheeks: it was strange how someone I admired so much could still make me feel so small and scared. I wanted to leave, to run back to my own bed and curl up in the covers forever. I didn’t want Achilles to look at me anymore. He was angry, disgusted. I was half expecting him to raise his hand to me and tell me how pathetic I was being. 

Although I could now breath like normal, i was still panting a little from the slight fear of Achilles being angry with me. Instead of a harsh hit, or abusive words a hand went to my back rubbing soothing circles, “I’m sorry I got mad, you just worried me is all.” Achilles whispered. He leant forward and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “You don’t have to be scared of me, I don’t ever want to see you hurt.” He continued to reassure. 

I wiped the tears away and lent further into him. All the time calling myself stupid for crying, telling myself Achilles needed someone who was not broken like me, someone who could look after him rather him looking after me. I hated that I reacted the way I did towards angry voices, or that I jumped at loud and I expecting sounds, I found it to be pathetic. And I knew my whole life I would be blaming my father for making me like this. 

“I-I look horrible.” I muttered, hugging my arms to my chest in hopes he would not see the slight rise from my breasts. If he noticed, Achilles did not point them out. 

“You look perfect, Patroclus.” He whispered. “You’re handsome, and anybody would be lucky to call you their boyfriend.” He continued to say. Achilles kissed my cheek again before whispering, “and I’m the lucky one who gets to call you that.” 

I let it process what he had said, and then turned to tackle him in a hug, he hugged back just as hard. I knew neither of us would be getting back to sleep now. Not with the excitement of this. Achilles once he woke usually stayed awake, he told me that after a bad dream he could never get back to sleep. I wouldn’t leave him awake alone, not tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took so long for an update! I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had time to write!!!  
> Enjoy! :3


	5. Chapter 5

I was awake and Achilles slept next to me, he had not slept properly for a while, so I was happy seeing him in a peaceful slumber. We had sixth form in the morning, both having stacks of work piled high, and it seemed we could never do anything to lessen it. Achilles was sixteen still, and I seventeen. It was winter time which I was mostly grateful for, this meant I would not have to suffocate under a jumper to hide my wounds. When it was just him I would remove the jumper and let my body be free of the unbearable heat, he would always laugh at me when I sighed in relief, only covered by my binder. 

There was a deep sigh from Achilles, he turned over in his sleep to face me, and then turned back the other way. He groaned and his face turned into a frown. A bad dream again. He still had yet to open up about them, what they were like. I couldn’t be angry at that though, I still had yet to open up about the things that keep me awake. 

Before anything could register Achilles had shot up sitting, he was awake and panicking. “Patroclus-“ he whispered, I could almost taste the fear in his words. I gently reached my hand out to him and he turned to face me in the dark. I could only see the outline of his body, but his touch was firm. He flew forward, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face just above my belly button. “I-I-“ He stuttered the words. “Please do not leave me, promise to never leave me here alone.” He looked up to me with tearful eyes. 

I let my fingers run through his golden lock, slightly damp from sweat. “I would never.” I whispered back, “I promise.” I added on to reassure him. He seemed to relax slightly and lay so his head was in my lap. I couldn’t help but wonder what he dreamt of to have that reaction. 

His lips brushed against my white t-shirt as he pressed light kisses to my skin. “You are perfect.” He whispered against me. “Here.” He said pressing a kiss to my stomach, “and here.” One just below my ribs. “Here.” One just above my breasts. “And most definitely here.” He kissed me on the lips. I kissed back, but let him take the control for now, however I planned to show him how much that promise meant, that I was serious in what I said. 

The taste of mint still lingered on his tongue, his warm hands felt so nice resting on my cheeks and he deepened our hold on each other. Everything he did was so perfect, from kissing to running, from holding my hand to holding a pen. He was beautiful at everything. And he was mine, I could touch him, hold him, I was the one who heard his stories, and it was me he lay next to every night. 

Carefully as to not let Achilles suspect a thing, I held his shoulder and quickly flipped up around, now I was on top. A trick I had picked up on from him. He seemed surprised, but the shock turned into a smile and we continued to kiss. Leaving his mouth, to his jaw, then down his neck and making sure to leave marks. From his neck to his chest, lightly over one nipple and down to his toned stomach. Achilles breathing was slightly uneven, and I loved the fact that it was me who could pull him apart this way. Only I could make Achilles feel so good. His hands tied themselves into my curly brown hair, as they tightened I loosened him from his pyjama pants. Carefully slipping them down to his knees. 

Achilles watched me, I looked up and he nodded for me to continue, even in the dark his eyes burned bright with passion. That only seemed to fuel me with more confidence. I took Achilles in one hand, he moaned out as my wrist started to move, all the while I placed kisses along the tops of his thigh and hips. He tugged my hair harder, that’s when I decided he had enough teasing. My mouth wrapped around his impressive length. This I was good at, pleasing Achilles. The first time we had done this it had not taken Achilles long before he was releasing. 

His breathing became laboured, his body shook, and finally I felt his warmth fill my mouth, a few more sucks and I pulled off, swallowing before going back to kiss his lips. Achilles pulled up his pants without me even realising. “Please... let me return the favour.” Achilles asked this every time. My answer was the same every time, I told him no, I was not ready for that part of me to be exposed. Even to his trusting eyes, I would feel like a lair once he saw me. Although Achilles promised I was perfect, and it did not matter what I was born as, he still loved me as a boy. I still said no. 

“Can I request something then?” He asked. I watched as ideas flashed through his mind, hoping to capture one and find out what he was thinking through his eyes. I nodded for him to continue. I had never been good with words, and Achilles understood that speaking was difficult. He learnt to read me like a book. “Let me watch you,” at first I did not understand. “Let me watch you please yourself.” My cheeks burnt red, I had not touched myself for a few years, the idea gave me shivers of having to touch what made me feel so different from everyone else. 

“A-Achilles- I have not-“ I started to say. 

He shushed me and pressed our foreheads together, “I love you Pat, and I know this makes you feel different, but I promise you are not, okay. You are the best man I have ever known, that does not change anything.” He said. It was like an unspoken rule between us that we did not say the word: if I said what it really was it would be acknowledging everything I hated about me. Achilles respected that. “I just want to see you feel as good as you make me feel.” He said. 

I leant forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. His words had me thinking, I did not want to do it, but I would be fine if it was Achilles hand instead. As long as he only touched, and did not see it would be okay. “Could you?” I asked. Achilles frowned. “T-touch me.” I supplied. “J-just d-don’t look. Use-um use your ha-hand.” I said. 

Achilles smiled wide, “there is nothing I want more then to see you satisfied by me.” He kissed my lips again. I slid off him and sat on the mattress, our legs touched. My heart was racing so fast I thought it would come from my chest, Achilles was gentle though, he did not rush, he gave me time to back out. This was something I wanted to see through until the end, a step further in being comfortable with myself, and who better to do it with, to do it for, then Achilles. 

He gently kissed down my jaw and neck: his hands stroking their way down over my body, Achilles was careful to not touch my breasts that were no longer constricted behind a binder. I felt his soft hand warm it’s way to my legs, I didn’t know if I was excited or scared, but I did know that Achilles would take care of me. 

Finally he found the band of my shorts, and his hands gently slipped under them, “are you okay?” He asked. My breathing was heavy, although Achilles had hardly touched me yet. I nodded and he continued to explore. There was a thought in the back of my mind - I was glad that shaving was the one thing I still did. Where other “girl” habits had slowly fallen away from my daily life, this one had not. I enjoyed the feeling of being smooth all over. Achilles liked it too. “I love you Patroclus.” He whispered. 

Achilles’ hand reached further and I could feel him preparing for me to feel pleasure. I grew wet and he used that to his advantage, using the slick to make sure he did not hurt me when he rubbed over my clit, or down to the slit. I was breathing even harsher as he continued to send waves of pleasure throughout my body. His talented fingers caused my eyes to scrunch shut. Achilles still kissed my jaw and neck, turning my head towards him he captured our lips in a gentle kiss: I broke apart from it occasionally to moan. 

“Tell me to stop if you don’t like it.” He said in my ear, then I felt as his finger pushed into me, just the ring finger as he warmed me up, then the middle finger joined. It felt amazing as he was still rubbing the ball of his hand against my clit. 

“A-Achil-Achilles.” I panted out. It felt like this had gone on for so long, but I knew in reality it had only been about five minutes. “More...” I breathed, surprising not only him, but myself too. He happily obliged and went faster, his wrist moving in a rhythm that made me weak to the bone. “Feels- I-I feel...” I could not explain it, the strange knot that got tighter and tighter inside me, balling up so much I thought it would never loosen. 

“It’s okay, let it happen.” He said. I nodded and relaxed a little. With that came an intense pleasure, and I felt myself tighten around his skilful fingers. “Good Pat, let it go.” He praises with gentle kisses near my ear. I didn’t know if I had moaned more or stayed silent as the feeling took over, the knot loosened. It felt so good, and Achilles was there the whole time. 

I lay there breathing heavy from after shock of an intense orgasm, the first I’d had in years. Achilles had taken his hand and popped his finger that were inside me into his mouth, humming. I cringed a little and he laughed. “You taste good.” He smirked. I playfully shoved him and tried to hide my face in the pillow, “What you get to taste me all the time.” He giggled. 

We cleaned ourselves up quietly, as to not disturb the rest of the house. Finally back in bed I cuddled up to him and we fell asleep. 

Xxx

School the next morning dragged far too much, by lunch time I was growing tired and grouchy. Achilles laughed at me for groaning when Agamemnon started to speak about how strong he was, and how he had had a fight with a group of boys and won. Me and Achilles did not like him at all: but he was friends with Odyssey and was also Menelaus’ brother. Odyssey and Agamemnon were a year older then us. Also sat at the table was Automedon who was a year younger then us. I could see Briseis sat a few tables away with her friends, she smiled when she saw me looking over and I waved back. 

“You didn’t even punch Hector, Ajax stepped in before you got your face more messed up.” Menelaus laughed, Agamemnon flashed him a daring look, I thought they might have a fight right in the middle of the cafeteria. I found it strange how aggressive they could be: Achilles was nothing like them. He protected what was dear to him, but he held no tolerance for fighting. 

Ajax was Achilles’ cousin, they were similar in ways like speed, although Achilles was faster, or grace, but Achilles too was more graceful. It seemed that anything Ajax did Achilles could do better. He didn’t seem bothered though, in fact Ajax was fond of his younger cousin. If there was anything he had on Achilles it was height, he was much taller and much more bulkier then Achilles. I had met him a few times, Ajax used to attend the same school, but he left, dropped out of sixth form and went to study in a college instead. He was nice, and liked to tease Achilles which sometimes made me laugh. The cousins got along very well too. 

The rest of the table started to talk over each other, each trying to add in their own sarcastic remark. I was hardly listening, I felt sick and wanted to go home to bed: there was a dull ache in my lower stomach that made me feel uncomfortable and made my back hurt. I would have to speak with Phoenix about getting a doctors appointment. I hated the doctors. 

My eyes widened when a sharp pain travelled through me, My hand going to Achilles leg for support, I realised what it was then. Achilles noticed my tense posture and grew concerned. His hand went on top of mine, and I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. “What’s wrong?” Achilles asked quietly in hopes the others wouldn’t notice. I didn’t know what to say. I realised this is what the pain was, not only that, but it had been on going almost all day. I was surprised nobody had noticed or that I had not bled through my clothes. 

“I-I feel sick.” I whispered into Achilles’ ear. The others at the table were used to watching us pass quiet words between each other, considering I did not speak to them directly. “Take me to the toilets?” I asked, more pleaded. 

Achilles nodded and stood without hesitation, pulling me up too. Now I had realised what was happening it seemed I noticed it more. “Pats feeling ill, I’m going to take him the toilets and then to the nurse.” Achilles said 

“I’ll let our teacher know.” Menelaus said. Achilles nodded in thanks and we left, I was walking much faster. 

We went into the nearest toilets which were thankfully empty, Achilles urged me inside and locked the door behind us. I didn’t care at the point though, my jumper was long to cover my front even when sat down, so before he turned back around I stripped my jeans down and sat on the toilet. My head in hands as the tears fell. 

I did not see Achilles as he processed what was happening. He looked at me, and down to my jeans and white boxers on the floor, seeing the blood that soaked them inside. I felt him step close and a hand running through my hair gently. I hated this, my Period had not been for seven months now, but all of a sudden it was back and it hurt more then usual. I could feel Achilles lean down and kiss the top of my head, trying to sooth me. The tears wouldn’t stop though, they just kept flowing and there was nothing that could be done. I hated everything, my feminine face, and curves. The way my hips came out, or my butt was too round: I hated that I was smaller then all the other boys, and that I had to wear a binder to look like them. I hated that I was born a girl. 

“Pat that’s a lot of blood.” Achilles finally spoke up, I understood that he was concerned, but it was not helping in the slightest. 

“I know how much blood there is.” I whispered harshly. 

Achilles stepped back to look at me, “what can I do?” He asked. 

I shook my head, “I-I don’t k-know.” I Trembled. “I-I need a pad, o-or tampon, or both.” I hadn’t bought any sanitary products for seven months, I was not prepared for this. I curled in on my body leaning forward trying to force the pain away. 

“Does it hurt?” Achilles asked. I nodded, not having the effort to tell him how stupid of a question that was. It was probably for the best though, I did not want to upset Achilles, this was not his fault. “I’ll ask around, don’t worry I won’t tell them who it’s for okay?” I nodded. He came and kissed me on the lips before leaving again. I locked the door behind him. 

He would tell me later that he first asked a group of girls in the library for a pad, when they asked what it was for Achilles told them he wanted to play a prank on some people in the boys toilets. The girls scoffed at him, telling him how expensive this stuff was and that he should go stuff himself. He moved onto a younger female in hopes she wouldn’t be so mean. Instead she shakily told him that she gave her last one to her friend that morning. Achilles shrugged and said it was no big deal which calmed her at the kind reaction from an older student. 

Finally he resorted to the last female in the school, which he swore by. Helen. She was stood at her locker when Achilles approached. Her shiny hair always stood out in ringlets, I sat next to her in biology, she was beautiful, and loved by everyone who met her. Achilles would tell me how she even smiled when he approached her: he asked her if she had a spare sanitary product and told her of his fake plans to prank the boys in the toilets. She had given him a suspicious smile before nodding. 

Helen Fished into her locker and pulled out a pad and a tampon, before passing it over she said, “by the way you’re a terrible liar.” Achilles told me he was shocked by this. “I know it’s for your friend, Patroclus. He’s transgender.” Achilles tried to tell her I wasn’t, I didn’t wan anybody to know. She was not convinced. “I have a friend who’s female to male, you can tell if you know what you’re looking for. Like how his top catches on his binder sometimes, or that his hips are just a little too curved.” She shrugged. “I promise not to tell, I’ve known since I met him, and still have not said anything.” 

She had also gave Achilles pain killers, which I knew I would have to thank her for later. I decided to do it in biology since we were made to do experiments together. 

Achilles came back and knocked on the cubical door where I was waiting, I let him in and he gave me both products. I opened the pad first and covered my underwear with now dried blood, it would have to do until home time. Next was the Tampon. I asked Achilles to turn the other way while I put it in, then pulled my pants back on and asked Achilles to check me. He gave me the green light and I finally flushed and left the toilets. The pain killers were swallowed dry, I couldn’t wait for water it hurt bad. 

Xxx

Biology was my last lesson for the day, Helen came in and sat down as normal: she turned to speak with her friends while the teacher started up. We were set a task and to go off in lab pairs, Helen was mine since we sat next to each other. Half way through I thought it would be a good time to bring it up. “T-thank you.” I whispered. The reaction I got was not expected though: she looked up shocked. I stood awkwardly waiting for her to do or say something, when nothing came of it I asked, “a-are you- o-o-okay?” She nodded slowly. 

Helen seemed to Remember herself and she stood straighter, plastering a sweet smile on her face. “Sorry, it’s just, you’ve never spoken to me before... well actually I was almost certain you didn’t speak at all. You took me by surprise that’s all.” She said. I mentally slapped myself, it wasn’t everyday that the rumoured mute turns around and starts openly speaking with people. 

“Sorry.” I said. “B-but thank you again. A-Achilles he um... he s-said you gave me t-the stuff. Thanks.” I said. I thought maybe it would annoy her how long it took me to get through a sentence, she didn’t seem bothered though. 

“No problem at all, and don’t worry you’re secret safe with me.” She winked which caused me to laugh a little, it was something Achilles would do. 

I wouldn’t usually class someone like Helen as my friend. She was usually expressionless, and didn’t seem to have time for anybody really. She was beautiful though, that’s why she was so popular. Everybody loved her smile or her eyes, they loved to watch her laugh and could listen to her talking all day. Helen was also Menelaus girlfriend, but it was rumoured that she hung out with a student from Troy high. A stupid spat between the schools made this a big deal around school: although I could never understand why there was hate between them. Bri had gone to Troy high when she was eleven until thirteen, even she had no idea why they hated each other. 

When the lesson was finished Achilles waited for me outside the classroom. His arm went over my shoulders as we walked down the busy corridor. “How are you feeling?” He asked watching me carefully. I only nodded, Achilles knew I meant I was okay. Too many people were around and I didn’t want to have to raise my voice over them. 

Before home we went to the shop so I could buy some sanitary products, Achilles also suggested Chocolate but I frowned and shook my head. Once everything was bought we headed back. At home I changed into pyjamas and put on some knickers so wearing the pads would be easier then if I had on boxers. Achilles told me to lay in his bed, and he brought up a hot water bottle, then got in beside me to cuddle. It was strange I thought, usually I was not so ill or tired, but after a seven month break and build up it seemed all my body could do was ache. 

It was nice to just cuddle with him for a while, and I found myself drifting off to sleep. It was only when Achilles shook me awake that I realised I had actually fallen asleep completely. He pressed a kiss to my cheek as I opened my eyes. Claiming that dinner was ready and we should go down to eat. I nodded and sat up, feeling horrible and dirty. I stood out of bed and stretched my arms out. 

“Umm Pat?” Achilles spoke. “You’re going to want to change.” He said. I turned to look at him, but before my eyes met his they landed on a red patch on his sheets. 

I felt my face heat up in embarrassment, “I’m s-so sorry.” I said with a hand over my mouth. Trying to tell myself not to cry. “I-I- your sheets...” I said. 

“It’s okay, they can be washed.” Achilles tried to reassure. 

“N-no but I r-ruined them.” I said. “I’m sorry.” I could feel tears forming in my eyes, stupid hormones. 

“Pat honest it’s no issue, we can wash them okay? But you need to change before dinner.” He said. 

“I-I’m Sorry.” I whispered again. Achilles attempted to reassure me it was okay while we stripped his sheets off his bed. He even claimed they were due for a wash anyway. His sheets were put in the wash and I took a shower, feeling better when the hot water hit my skin. 

Once cleaned and feeling fresher, I got dressed into some clean pyjamas and went to my bed, not feeling very hungry anymore. Instead I cuddled up into my cold sheets trying to hide from the world. It felt awful, and I was so embarrassed at what had happened. Although Achilles reassured me, and I knew it would not stain, it didn’t help ease me at all. It was such an inconvenience to the day, and now Achilles would have to make his bed all over again, or if they didn’t dry in time we would have to either share my bed in a room full of boys, or he’d sleep without the sheets on. 

Achilles found me and stepped further into the bedroom. There was nobody else in here. Without a word he came over and got in the bed closer to the wall side. I cuddle into his arms, my back facing the rest of the room as I did. Achilles was gentle as he brushed his fingers through my hair, humming a tune I did not know as he did. It was soothing, and could send anybody to sleep. I closed my eyes and just lay there, still awake though. 

I heard the bedroom door open, but refused to face whoever it was. Achilles made a come in motion with his hands to the other and the door was then closed. “Is he asleep?” One of the boys who slept in the bed opposite mine asked. He was whispering just in case. 

“I’m not sure.” Achilles chuckled. “Pat you awake?” He asked down to me. I just nodded but kept my head buried into his chest. “There’s your answer.” He said. 

“Not feeling well?” The boy asked. 

“No, he started to get a stomach ache earlier.” Achilles lied. I knew he hated lying, but I was grateful he did. 

“Oh...” there was a bit of shuffling around, before he spoke up again, “Do you love each other?” He asked, I imagined his head was tilted slightly in question. 

Achilles let out a small laugh, “well that depends on how moody he’s being-“ I cut him off by pinching his side he jumped at the surprise pain, “ow, okay sorry.” He settled back, “yes we do.” He answered. 

“I think, I would like to love someone like that one day.” Was the reply Achilles got


	6. Chapter 6

“So I was thinking...” Achilles started with. 

“I don’t like it when you do that.” I muttered going through my Maths book. We sat on Achilles’ bedroom floor doing homework, or more accurately I was doing home work and he was complaining how boring Latin speaking was. 

“Hey, shush, I’m devising.” He said back seriously. I just rolled my eyes. “Anyway, what I was going to say before you so rudely interrupted... we haven’t been on a date yet, like a first proper date and it’s been what, a year? Just over since we started going out.” He said. Honestly I had never thought about that before, of course it would be Achilles who came up with the idea though. He loved going out, and being adventurous, I was more the sit at home type. 

“W-we went sh-shopping last week.” I reminded him. I knew it wasn’t exactly a date, and it wasn’t like going out with Achilles to see a movie or get dinner didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to be able to do that stuff with him, it wasn’t priority number one on my list, but the idea was nice. 

“That’s not a date, and you know it.” He said. “I mean like we could go bowling, or feed the ducks at the park.” His eyes shone bright with ideas, I couldn’t help but fall more in love with him every time he shown me those eyes. 

“That sounds f-fun.” I agreed. 

His whole face lit up further, “really?” He asked. I nodded and Achilles attacked me in a hug, “I thought it would take more convincing!” He exclaimed. 

Xxx

There was one thing, just one thing I had always wanted to do. And when Achilles was sat there looking all pretty, with his damp hair and shining eyes, well I couldn’t help myself. I reached out and first ran my fingers through is waves, then split them off into three sections, preparing to plait them together. Achilles didn’t say anything as I started to twist the blond strands of his hair, he just sat and watched the sea. 

Odyssey came over looking wet from his swim in the sea, he flopped down onto the green towel next to mine and Achilles’ pink one. He watched as I played with Achilles’ hair. “You know, some of them think you guys are together... you know as in gay.” He sighed with a slight laugh. “I don’t know what they’re on about though, it’s totally normal for two dues to braid each other’s hair.” He said. 

“Well actually I’m pretty sure Pat is just plaiting it, not braiding.” Achilles spoke up, “and anyway, what’s wrong with gay people?” He turned his head slightly to look over at his older friend. 

“Oh well nothing, it’s just you never said-“ he started. 

“We shouldn’t have to.” Achilles interrupted. “Now if you don’t mind, me and my boyfriend were enjoying the peace and quiet.” I blushed at his words and kept my eyes focused on his damp hair in front of me. Achilles could be embarrassing, and too forward sometimes. This was one of those times. 

Odyssey seemed to get the message though and he turned away, pulling his phone out of his bag and scrolling through it. I still did not own a phone, although I never knew what I would do with it. I see Achilles everyday anyway, and I was sure that he would be the only number I would have. I didn’t like the social media world, not after all the bullying horror stories anyway. Achilles had a phone, although I never saw him with it. He used it to call and text his mother sometimes, or google the answers to our homework. I remember he had taken a picture of me sleeping on his chest once and now used it as a home and lock screen. I claimed that i looked ugly, he only kissed my lips and said how handsome I really was. 

I finished the plait in his hair, and Achilles passed me a bobble to tie it off at the bottom. His hands immediately made a grab for my work, as he admired the tight careful loops and interlocking of his beautiful hair. He turned back to me with a grin, leaning forward and pressing a peck to my lips. I blushed. 

We sat back on the towel, Achilles with his head in my lap as I leant on my hands. He was reading, and I was watching him read. He looked so pretty, and I was sure that was an ongoing thought in my brain every time I saw him, even when he rolled his eyes I thought he was gorgeous. He lowered his book to look at me, “your eyes are pretty.” He whispered. His hand went to my cheeks in attempt to pull my face down to look at him. 

“W-where did- um d-did...” I tried to ask where that had come from, or why that had been on his mind. 

“My book,” he held up the pages to me, “it was talking about a person with big brown eyes, and I thought: hey pat has beautiful brown eyes too.” He grinned. 

“Y-Yours are mo-more be-beautiful.” I whispered back. 

“No way, you can’t change my mind on that either.” He claimed. I giggled causing him to smile to. Although I didn’t agree with him, Achilles still made me feel like I was special. I could argue that his were the perfect shade of green, so bright like a lime fruit, and yet they still had a darkness to them that I couldn’t quite explain. The black of his pupil only brought the colour out more, sometimes he looked like the most perfectly painted picture. 

After the beach we walked home hand in hand, Achilles told jokes the whole way back, I was More impressed that he remembered so many: despite the fact that they were sometimes rubbish, I still gave him a small laugh or smile to show my appreciation. I thought that Maybe Achilles was much better at playing music then he was at stand up. He once told me that producing music, or playing for someone was his dream job, I asked him why not play for himself, he is good enough. But Achilles shrugged, he said the fame would get to him, and he didn’t want to be a different person because of that. 

When we got home, Achilles went in first. We were still holding hands, during this time most people had gone to their rooms to do homework, it was a rule that every night of the week we were all required to do at least thirty minutes worth of homework, or revision. If someone was failing, they would have to do an hours worth on that subject. I was good at school, which surprised most, but things just clicked easily for me. So usually I would help the boys in my room if they asked, or Achilles. 

Neither of us was expecting anybody to be downstairs, or anybody to be in our path to Achilles’ room. Until a rather tall shadow came over us. I looked up to find a women staring down to me: her skin was pale and almost looked grey; this women had long black hair, thick in waves down her back, her eyes looked almost completely black as well. She was beautiful, no doubt, but her beauty was masked by the harsh glare. Instead of admiring her features, I found my self cowering away in fear. 

Achilles was not phased by her though, he actually smiled at the women, “hello Mother.” He greeted. I shifted uncomfortably, this was his Mother, and she already looked like she hated me. Peleus was a kind man, he didn’t mind mine and Achilles’ relationship, and if he did he didn’t say anything. This women most defiantly was not the kind type, I thought that if I moved too fast she would break me in half. 

“Achilles, who is that?” She asked glaring at our entwined fingers. I felt like her eyes would burn holes into my flesh. As if on instinct I quickly removed my hand from Achilles, the sad look that flashed across his face did not go unnoticed, I chose not to pay any mind though. 

“This is Patroclus, I’ve told you about him.” Achilles said with a half smile. Clearly even he was unsure if his mother’s reactions to my presence. 

“And what about Deidamia?” His mother asked. I remembered Achilles once mentioning that name to me: he had said they played together just once as a child and his mother wanted them to be married one day. It was strange, an arranged Marriage, these days it was almost unheard of, but Achilles also said that his mother was old fashioned like that. 

“She is not my type.” Achilles said. “Although a lovely girl, but that is the problem, she’s a girl.” Achilles shrugged and took my hand again. He was warm and soft, this time I did not pull away. Instead I squeezed his hand gently for reassurance. 

“And what about when it comes to grandchildren? You could never start a family.” She accused. I almost laugh at that, instead I opted to keep quiet. 

“Perhaps children are not on the minds of all eighteen year old boys, mother.” He said. “We have homework to do, please excuse us.” 

We left upstairs, Achilles was so formal around his mother, it was strange compared to how he was with Peleus. He joked and gave back snarky remarks. The two would even just sit there sometimes and constantly try and out do each other on comments and remarks. It was entertaining to watch no doubt. 

“S-she doesn’t li-like me.” I said after Achilles closed his bedroom door. 

“She doesn’t like anybody.” Achilles laughed. 

I sat on the end of his bed, watching as Achilles stripped off his damp top and shorts to change into fresh clothes. He was naturally tanned, his abs shown nicely, and his body was a structure of beauty. Whether Achilles realises this or not, he was defiantly the most gorgeous person. I could stare at him forever if he would only stay still enough. Achilles pulled on a black top, much to my own disappointment, and some grey jogging bottoms.

“She was wr-wrong you know,” I whispered. Achilles turned to me with a. Slight frown on his face, silently asking me to continue. “I-I mean t-technically, I-I c-could, well um... c-con-conceive.” I explained with pink cheeks. 

Achilles stopped, looking shocked. His face then went soft into a smile. “You’re a male, males do not have babies. I am happy being with your forever, even without children.” Achilles said. 

We were eighteen and already discussing babies, but I was glad to know we shared the same page for now. I was a man, I did not want to ever have to carry a baby, that’s not what a male did. It’s not what I wanted to do. There were some that would be comfortable with it, and that was a blessing on its own, however I do not think I would ever. Achilles was happy with me, just me. I was grateful for him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, slight sexual assault (it’s not explicit, but is mentioned)

It wasn’t the first time boys from the other school had pushed me around, not by any means. It was an on going war between the two, who could bully who the most. However, somehow I got stuck in the middle of this, an easy target I suppose. Achilles had stayed home because he came down with a cold, his father had instructed him to stay in bed all day. So I was alone, they liked to tease more when I was alone: a few years back they had found the self inflicted scars, then they had realised I never spoke, they saw me and Achilles holding hands too. The only thing they didn’t know was me being born a girl, which I thought was a good thing, but on some level they already suspected. I was just too small and feminine features did not help at all. 

“Hey look it’s the broken record, all a-a-alone.” One sneered as I walked past. I tried to ignore him. Instead though he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards the group of three teenage boys. I knew one of them as Paris, he was Hectors brother: although Hector had always been in the background, he had never hurt me. The other two I had never got their names, one was a cousin of some sort to hector and Paris, the other a friend. Apparently they had a large family in that school, it was harder to mess with them, when they were all brothers. 

“No Achilles, this will be fun.” The cousin smiled wide. He came forward and gripped my upper arm, leaning down to whisper, “a little birdie told me you had a secret,” his breath was warm against my skin, and yet I still shivered. His hand wondered from my upper arm, down to my stomach, his fingers then trailed up my front and grazed across the binder. “Seems like it’s true, what would everyone else say? They’d be disgusted. You lied to them.” His hand cupped where my breast should have been. I hated everything, but I willed not to react, it would only spur him on. 

It was only when I felt his other hand near my pants that I started to feel sick, I tried to move away: he pulled me further towards him. His cold hand went right under the waist band of my pants... the whole thing happened so fast I was sure I dreamt it. One moment he was too close for comfort, the next he was hunched over holding a bloodied nose, my fist throbbing from impact with his face. “You bitch!” He cried out. 

Before the others could register what happened, I was on him again: this time kicking him between the ribs, winding the other. His breathing came out in short ragged breaths. I remembered how my father would hurt me, how I would curl up to try and protect parts of my body. This boy had never been hit like this before, he didn’t know where to protect: I knew exactly where to hit. 

A horrible vision of me in my fathers place crossed my mind, while attacking the dark haired teen. I could see my own fist, like it was my fathers, coming down onto his cheek. He toppled backwards, I went with him. Straddling his hips so he couldn’t move and punched him over, and over, and over again. I was sick of being weak: sick of seeing how the years of my fathers abuse impacted on my life. I didn’t want to be a girl, I didn’t want to be silent, I didn’t want to be abused, and now I became the abuser. Like father, like son. 

I could feel my arms tiring, just as I slowed somebody had gripped the back of my school called and pulled me off the almost unconscious body. I had no idea who it was, only that I was glad they stopped me. “Enough.” Whoever it was threw me to the stoned car park ground, I could feel the pebbles cutting my skin open as I skidded across them. It was hector who stood between me and his cousin now. Suddenly I was scared again, not realising that while I was hitting the guy I had been crying, my throat hurt too... had I really said all my thoughts out loud? 

If the stunned glares of people around me was anything to go by, then yes I had. I had not even noticed a gathering of both school as they watched me beat up another student: not only that, but now they all knew my secrets. My crying became heavier, I was too shocked to move. I became my father in that moment, the constant attacks and blows, they felt so good, it scared me. 

Suddenly remembering what had led me to hitting him dawned on me, he’d touched me, touched me somewhere I only allowed Achilles to wonder. Somewhere not even I touched. Nausea ran through me, I turned and threw up, everyone had watched me being sick: people had probably seen him touch me. Then the thoughts stopped as a hand went on my back, causing me to stop and stay very still. “Pat, you’re okay, it’s alright.” The hand was rubbing soothing circles onto my back. Odyssey. 

Odyssey helped me up from the ground, then arms wrapped around me tightly, I wanted them off now. Whoever it was pulled away, Bri, “Patroclus, are you okay? I got so worried when they said you got in a fight.” Her hand was still on my arm. 

“D-don’t tou-touch me.” I whispered. Her face dropped as did her hand. 

“Pat-“ She started. 

“I-I wa-want to g-go home.” I whispered into Odyssey’s arm as he supported me standing. For some reason his hold felt okay, I knew Achilles trusted him, and maybe that was why I did. He was also the first one to approach me, he was good. 

“Come on, I’ll drive you.” He turned me away and we walked to his car. He helped me into the front seat, then got into the drivers side. Tears didn’t stop as we drove away from school. I almost questioned why there were no teachers, but maybe there had been and I had not seen them. I was afraid now. Peleus would find out and he would not want me to stay, maybe Achilles would be disgusted too. They had done so much and this was how I repaid them. 

We pulled up, Odyssey shut of the engine and turned to me, “you did nothing wrong, it was self defence.” He reassure me. “Agamemnon called him as soon as we went outside, so he probably knows most of the story” he warned me. At least this way I would not have to tell Achilles I am becoming my father. He thought it was self defence, but I loved the rush of causing pain. 

I nodded and thanked him, stepping out and going to the front door. As soon as it was open Achilles was on me. He first wrapped his arms around me, which I accepted, and then his lips kissed my cheek. His father and phoenix were out for the day, it was just me and Achilles. He told me explaining can wait, he wanted to clean up the cuts on my arms and knuckles. I had not even noticed how much blood there was until he pointed it out. 

He sat me down on the tub, and in silence started to patch me up. He put a white bandage around both my fists, then laughed saying I looked like a boxer. It did make me feel a little better as well. He kissed my lips and took me into his bedroom, onto his bed. There was no talking as I stripped off my uniform and lay in his arms, wearing black boxers and a binder. A few moments passed when I thought he was asleep, I moved slightly and his hold got tighter. “Don’t move, you’re nice and warm.” He said gently. I was content in his arms, but did not think he would want to hold me while I told him why I hit the boy from the other school. 

“D-do you l-love me?” I whispered. Achilles kisses my forehead. It was his way of saying ‘of course, what a silly question.’ 

“H-he t-touched me.” I said into his chest. Achilles’ hand stopped the soothing rub up and down my arm, he pulled back to look me in the eyes, his beautiful gold eyes burning with so much rage at those words. 

“Where?” His voice was sharp and demanding. 

“Here.” I pressed the flat of my palm to his chest, “a-and h-here.” I said brushing against the front of his jeans. 

He was angry, Achilles was so angry. I could honestly say I had never seen such a rage from him. “He’s dead.” The words were harsh from such a beautiful mouth. “I’ll kill him.” He almost spat the words out. 

“I-I liked hurting him after that.” I whispered very quietly. “I liked seeing him bleed.” I admitted. 

“I want to see him more then bleed.” Achilles’ voice got dark. “That bastard.” I almost fliched at his words. Achilles was holding me tighter now, like if he let go I would disappear.

Achilles was out for blood, and I had no doubt in my mind he would get it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for how long this has taken for me to upload!!!!!   
> I’ve had this chapter wrote for a while, but was sitting on it for weeks not knowing if I should post it, but I liked it and it’s kind of character development (ish??) for pat.   
> Thank you for reading!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Achilles and Patroclus, also the greatest ship in all of history :3 
> 
> I don’t usually write in first person so this is new. 
> 
> After years of rereading TSoA and finally reading the Iliad I had to write Fanfiction for these two gems. 
> 
> My tumblr is @graciefoxx18


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